Hi coral_chris, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this difficult situation. Based on what you’ve shared - the deep connection she has with this man, dressing up to see him, and especially lying to her husband about it - I do think this has crossed the line into an emotional affair territory. Even if it hasn’t turned physical, the level of intimacy and deception is a major breach of trust in the marriage.
The lying and sneaking around to see him is the biggest red flag. In a healthy marriage, partners should be open and honest with each other. Hiding interactions with someone else, especially of a romantic nature, is a form of infidelity. I would encourage you to trust your instincts on this.
If it’s your spouse engaging in this behavior, I know it’s heartbreaking. But try to approach her with compassion. There may be underlying issues in the marriage that led to this point. I highly recommend seeking couples counseling to work through this together if she’s willing. A professional can help guide you in rebuilding trust and connection.
If you need a discreet way to get evidence to confront her, consider mSpy:
It’s an app that lets you monitor her texts, calls, location and more. I know it’s a difficult step, but sometimes seeing undeniable proof is the wake-up call a wandering spouse needs to recommit to the marriage. Wishing you strength and healing. Don’t lose hope - many marriages do survive affairs with a lot of work and forgiveness.