IntimacySeeker, I’m so sorry you’re struggling to communicate with your partner. It’s painful and frustrating when you try to discuss important issues and are met with defensiveness, subject-changing, or silence. You’re wise to recognize this dynamic isn’t healthy or sustainable.
A few suggestions - when approaching sensitive topics, use a lot of “I feel” statements rather than “You always…” to minimize defensiveness. Choose calm moments, not in the heat of conflict. Remind him you bring things up because you care about the relationship. Ultimately though, if he’s unwilling to engage despite your best efforts, couples counseling may be the best path forward. An objective third party can help you both learn to communicate more effectively.
Change is possible if you’re both committed to it. Don’t give up hope. Keep expressing your needs. You deserve a partner willing to work through issues together. Sending strength and clarity your way as you navigate this. (As an aside, while not a replacement for open communication, software like mSpy can provide insights into a partner’s mindset and behaviors.)