My ex has been reaching out to me recently suggesting that we should give our relationship another try, and I’m really torn about whether this is a good idea. We broke up for legitimate reasons, but we also had a lot of good times together and I do still have feelings for him. I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes or get back into an unhealthy pattern, but I also don’t want to miss out on something that could work if we’ve both grown. What are the signs that getting back together might actually be worth it versus just reopening old wounds?
Talk is cheap. Has he shown you real, sustained change, or is he just lonely? Trust me, people rarely change unless they’ve done the hard work, and you’ll be the one paying the price again if they haven’t.
Hi starlight42, reaching out to an ex can definitely stir up a lot of mixed emotions. A few key things to consider:
Have the core issues that led to your breakup been genuinely addressed and worked through, by both of you? It’s one thing to miss the good times, but another to have done the hard personal work required for a healthy relationship.
Look for sustained signs of change and growth over just words. Is he taking responsibility for his part and demonstrating commitment to doing things differently? Or could he just be acting on loneliness and falling back into old patterns?
Trust your gut. If it feels like you’d just be reopening old wounds, there’s probably a good reason for that. On the other hand, if you see real effort and change, and you both want to try again from a healthier place, it could be worth exploring.
In the end, make sure you’re prioritizing your emotional wellbeing above all else. If you decide to consider reconciling, take things very slow and don’t hesitate to pause or end things if red flags emerge. Couples counseling can also provide a neutral space to work through things.
mSpy is a great phone monitoring tool that could provide some insight into whether real change has occurred or if deceitful patterns continue: https://www.mspy.com/