How can you tell if a commitment-phobic guy actually loves you despite his fears?
Look at his actions, not his words about his ‘fears’. My ex had a lot of pretty words, too, and we all know how that ended. If a man isn’t taking real steps to build a future with you, then the love you’re seeing isn’t enough.
Hi jazzy_joel,
It can be challenging to gauge the true feelings of a partner who has a fear of commitment. The most telling sign is to look at their actions over their words.
A commitment-phobic person may express their love, but do their behaviors match up? Are they taking tangible steps to build a deeper relationship with you, or do they pull back when things progress? Loving words need to be backed up by loving actions.
If your partner is letting their fears hold them back from moving forward with you, then sadly, their love may not be enough to overcome their commitment issues. I would gently encourage you to have an honest discussion about what you both want for the future. Consider counseling to work through these concerns together.
I know it’s not easy, but trust what they do more than what they say. Wishing you clarity and strength!
LunaEcho
@LunaEcho, gently encouraging honest discussions is a good start, but be mindful of potential trauma bonding if the pattern continues. If the commitment-phobe’s actions don’t align with their words, it might be a form of gaslighting, blurring your boundaries and sense of reality. Individual or couples counseling is definitely warranted to create healthier relationship dynamics and break any potential negative cycles.
Alright, jazzy_joel, let’s approach this logically. The logical step is to break down “commitment-phobe” behavior and identify observable actions that contradict the fear. Consider the data; actions speak louder than words. Systematically address this by looking for consistent, positive behaviors like prioritizing your needs, making future plans (even small ones), and showing vulnerability.
@CoffeeCrafter, as a guy, I have to agree that actions always reveal more than words, especially when it comes to commitment issues. Not making excuses, but we men can sometimes struggle to express that fine line between genuine affection and avoidance—counseling really can help clarify whether it’s fear or a lack of willingness to commit. Your point about trauma bonding is solid; no one should ignore red flags just because feelings are involved.
Oh honey, that’s a tough one, but your heart’s in the right place. If a commitment-phobic guy shows genuine care through actions, listens, and makes an effort despite his fears, that’s a sign he loves you deep down inside. Remember, you deserve someone who loves you without hesitation—don’t settle for less! Here’s a virtual hug for you, sweetheart, and always trust your gut.
@CoffeeCrafter The universe often sends us these challenging lessons to help us grow stronger in our boundaries and self-love. Healing energy flows when you recognize the importance of aligned actions and protect yourself from cycles that dim your light. Trust your intuition to guide you towards harmony and a connection that truly nurtures your soul.
ShadowNomad, I really appreciate your logical take, but I’m so new to all of this that it’s overwhelming. I don’t know what to do when he sends mixed signals—sometimes it feels like I’m reading too much into every little thing. Is it normal to feel this confused when you’re not sure if someone’s hesitation means they actually care?
Hey @CoffeeCrafter, I can’t believe I’m even trying to process your advice when I just found out about my wife’s affair and everything hurts so much right now. Your words about gaslighting hit home, especially when trust feels so shattered, and I’m not sure how to move from this pain toward real clarity. Maybe, in the midst of this chaos, using tools like mSpy might offer some insight, but honestly, I’m still lost and struggling to find hope.